Hey!
Confession time!!! Bless me father for I have sinned, my last post was a few weeks back and I considered deleting my account before even starting.
Father: Go on my child, confess ur sins.........why did you consider doing that?
Deejah: I was just going through some personal issues e.g self doubt, weakness of mind and body, lack of motivation and finally fear.
Father: fear of what my child?
Deejah: fear of not finishing what I started and not making any impact.
Father: fear not my child, for He who began a good work in you is able to perfect it, since you have decided to reach out and help others.............................................................................................................. repent and sin no more. Say 5 ''Our Father'' and 5 ''Hail Mary''. Bless u my child.
#feelingbetter
So, thanks to GEMINI THOMAS am back. This piece is dedicated to you babes #bighug
I remember the day I found out I was positive like it was yesterday. There really isn't any way to describe it (or maybe because I don't know plenty words like that I can't). It was on a Saturday, I had gone to visit my boyfriend for the weekend .......... let me start from the beginning. Like every normal girl I wanted to date and marry the guy of my dreams. Had the usual relationships we girls have but nothing serious till I graduated from the University. Had my first serious relationship just before I went for my youth service. And it was great, all I thought it would be and more. I lost my virginity to him ( yes I was still a virgin at 25).
He was really a sweet guy, treated me the way I wanted to be treated, loved me right too. After my youth service I began the search for a job as usual. Was called for medicals and I went, I was called for medicals by two organisations a few weeks apart, I passed the medical for the first organisation although that was not the job I wanted I took it pending when the other one called me. They did and I went for medicals again .......but before this my guy was already falling ill and not looking good at all. That weekend I went to see him and also respond to a call I had gotten from the other organisation for a re-test. I went to the hospital and the doctor broke the news to me, of cos I didn't believe it, I had just started a job and all, which I told the doctor. they did another test.
I left the hospital and headed to see my guy who was on admission in another hospital, he asked me what was up and I told him. At that point he keeps quite and looks at me and then decides to tell me that he is positive......................YEP!!! the guy who ''disvirgined'' me gave me hiv!!!! The rest as they say is history. He didn't make it out of the hospital too.
I didn't even know what I was grieving for at that point, was it his death or the fact that I was positive and alone. He didn't have to infect me to get me to marry him I would have regardless of his status, he was that great a guy.
C'est la vie.
Sad story. Life sucks sometimes but I love your spirit Deejah! Keep writing
ReplyDeleteMy spirit is all i have now......and in abundance!
ReplyDeleteIts really sad dat it happened to yu. I mean, yu weren't promiscous or anything. Regardless, yu hav a great spirit and if yu keep it up, I promise yu will beat dis illness to d end. Long live deejah *bighug*
ReplyDelete:( im glad you did not delete your blog, keep at it love, you can even draw strength from here, we dont judge, i hope you come to love blogsville as we all do, writing is therapeutic,
ReplyDeleteIt really sucks what has happened to you, and its one of the cruel blows of life, but here you are 6years after and still as strong as ever, thats a bigger victory
((HUG))
I'm sorry to be a party pooper, but I dnt tink ur dead ex was a great guy, he was selfish and wicked. Wen u say u would hv married him irrespective of his status, u suggest that if given a choice u would stl choose to be hiv poz, correct me if I'm wrong but marrying sm1 wt d virus wen u r negative puts u at a higher risk seeing as condoms r nt 100 percent safe. If ur ex was so great a guy he should hv given u d opportunity to mk d choice. He should hv disclosed all and risked loosing u. Instead he was selfish. So no, ur ex wasn't a great guy he was a cunning selfish demon and u cannot encourage his type around pls.I sympathize with ur plight, and I do hope u get a miracle.x
ReplyDeleteHey, I completely understand how u feel. Yes he should have given me the opportunity to choose. NOBODY would choose to be + my sweet, getting married to a + person does not mean u ll automatically be positive. I know quite a number of serodiscordant couples (thats a marriage where one party is positive and the other negative) they have been married well over 10yrs, the negative partner is still negative and the children are negative, there are measures you have to take to prevent being positive when married to one who is. If you dont believe me on this do a research. When I say he was a great guy I mean in terms of the relationship itself, now I dont know why he did things the way he did and i cant ask him, I still am better off at least am still here, there is hope for the living they say.......and I dont encourage his type AT ALL guys and babes pls dont do this to someone else it's really not fair. I am dating a guy who is negative, I told him before even our first kiss......just cos something was done to me does not mean i should do it to another.............two wrongs dont make a right.
ReplyDeleteOMG, with every post I read, I fall in love with you a bit more #nohomo. You're so amazing and what happened to you is my worst nightmare but you appear to be dealing with it amazingly. Blogville is filled with people with their own personal issues and we all just meet and form a little cyber family. NEVER stop writing. It helps you through so much.
ReplyDeleteAm loving u too #winkwink, I ll try not to stop writing, it really does help. Thank u sooo much, u ve made my day #bighug
ReplyDelete